Clarity

The property of being clear or transparent.

Clarity refers to one's ability to clearly visualize an object or concept.

The Zen concept of 'no mind', or other terms denoting general clear and unperplexed cognition.

Anyone who speaks to me regularly knows that I've been on a hiatus, of sorts. Thankfully, my hiatus has been more of a journey... a coming to terms with things and people in my life.

I needed a break. I needed the time to focus on me and to get back to who I am... and to also redefine who I am. It has been years since I've felt like myself. To be exact, it has been four years since Hurricane Katrina and four years since I've felt like myself.

2005 was a hell of a year. Within three months I lost my little sister, my first home and everything I owned in Katrina, a relationship of five years.... and the most important person in my life, my Dad.

When you lose so much at one time, and so many things that are such a big part of you..... the feeling of lost doesn't even begin to cover it. I had no idea who I was without my career, my home, my family, the love of my life and the town that held all my memories.

In this time of trouble, I made a bad decision. I chose to avoid getting to know me. In fact, I've put it off for four years. Instead, I chose to throw myself head-first into worrying about what everyone else needed. I invested all of my energy in other people. Mainly the father of my child and my most recent ex. I allowed myself to be abused, used and let them control me to the point that it was impossible to be myself on any level.

I also had Olivia. She's the biggest blessing in my life, but as any mother knows... having a child completely redefines who you are on so many levels.

Needless to say... All of these things only added to the the cloudiness and muddled mess that became my mind. I've kept myself above water.... mentally, emotionally and physically.... but its been a long time since I've thrived.

Anyway... It finally hit me like a ton of bricks. I finally got to a point where I knew that something had to change. There were things that I needed to make peace with, there were things I needed to let go, and things that I need to discover.

I forgot where I came from and what makes me whole. I put so much energy into some areas of my life and completely neglected so many others. I was off balance.... bad.

So, I took a deep breath, breathed a huge sigh of relief, felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders, weeded out the people who I was allowing to hold me back, partnered with the friends that make me stronger and who can help me remember who I am... and for the first time in a long time.... I saw things for what they really are.... with complete clarity.

I'm back to being me.