11:03

i shower and try to clear my head. i breath in the hot, wet steam of my shower, close my eyes and let the pulsing streams fall on my skin. my shower smells like peppermint shampoo and my head is dizzy with the thoughts i'm trying to drown. for a second my thoughts drift to memories of yesterday when he was here... the way he smelled, the way his skin felt, the way my body quaked and shivered.... wait. this is what i'm not supposed to be thinking about. i'm supposed to be over him. i haven't slept with him in two months. i was doing so good. now, i'm a mess. i swallow hard and wipe my face. i can't let this happen again. i can't get wrapped up in it. i'm addicted to him, and even one small dose, one deep inhale of his scent, one stroke from his fingers on my bare skin, one soft touch of his lips on my.... *snaps out of it*. i have to give myself rules. i must think about something else. anything else.




Rule #1 No listening to slow music. Slow music led to this melt down.


Rule #2 I will not touch myself while replaying the whole ordeal in my head, over and over. this proved difficult yesterday.


Rule #3 I will force myself to throw the curtains open, turn the lights on all over the house and avoid a dark, depressing environment.


Rule #4 I will NOT call him.




I step out of the shower and the cold air slaps me in the face... every drop of water left on my body feels like ice on my skin. a cold shock back into reality. i grab my towel and dry off. my day starts over now.