10:25

he's on his way.
*holds breath*
i'm nervous.
like we haven't met before.
true, in a way..
i'm not the person i was four years ago.
at all.
he doesn't know this person.
and, frankly...
i've never taken the time to get to know him.


i remember how i used to blow him off & stand him up.
back before i'd been hurt.
before i knew what it felt like.
how sad.
he liked me.
and i treated him like shit.
i wonder why he'd even given me a chance again?
*shakes head*
ok.
i need to get ready.

8:04

black
and
mild
my head spins.
i close my eyes.
prepare myself.
to give someone else a chance.

7:22

in the process of making plans.
with facebook guy.
i think we're gonna watch a movie.


at my house.


suppose now would be a good time to find my DVD player
and hook it up.

6:41

mr.gin texts.
says he's out & about.
what's up?


he would not be my first choice.
maybe i'll hang out with him..
if he agrees not to drink this time.

6:26

guy from facebook hits me back.
says his current status is complicated
am i the only one who thinks this status should just say,
we fight all the damn time.
break-up and get back together.


he asks for my number.
i give it to him.
i'll hear him out on the complications.
*sighs*

6:08

another text from 5xs.
this time, i respond.
*waits*


phone call from boone.
asks what i'm doing.
i attempt to sound busy.
he takes the bait,
but says he'll call back later.

4:28

i'm bored.
i scroll thru my phone.
my mind doesn't see names.


i don't even think that's his number anymore.
he's at work.
he lives far away.
i've ignored too many of his calls to call him now.
he's always bull shittin.
he's friends with my ex.
he just wants sex.
we don't get down like that.
i'm still waiting on him to call me back.
i WILL NOT call him.
my ex.
my bd.
my friend's man.
i'm not THAT desperate yet.


despite my calls yesterday
there is nobody in my phone i wanna hang out with.
i'm not comfortable with anyone
like i am with my ex.
god.
this is fucking hard.
i need something to do.
i wish my girls weren't so damn busy.

4:06

boone calls.
i answer.
he wants to come hang out.
i say yes.
reluctantly.


still ignoring the text from current guy.
he needs a better name.
oh.
i forgot we were calling him 5xs.
originally.
5xs it is.
regardless, i'm still ignoring his text.


text from a guy friend.
i think i'd rather hang with him.


damn,
this is why you don't talk to a guy
who can see your front door from his backyard.
lame.

2:43

he text me.
tellin me i'm crazy,
but he loves me anyway.


fuck him.


i forward it to his new girl.
she doesn't wanna believe it.
we argue.
i cut it short.
i call him.
tell him not to text,
or else i'll forward it to her.


boone calls.
i don't answer.
not feelin it.


it's raining.
and cold.
isn't it funny,
how the weather always seems to mock your mood?