Monday, December 14, 2009

10:06

*My phone shivers and glows*


I'm lazy and nonchalant
about picking it up.
It's a text.
Probably from Army guy.
I check it.


My heart stops.
I read it again.
I almost wanna cry.
Happy Tears.
Tears of all of the
frustration
anger
and
heartache
that I've been thru.


It's the text I've waited three years on.


What does it say?
Surprisingly it says:


"Got really busy, I know I said
I was gonna come over tonight,
but I'm not going to make it.
I love you and I'm sorry."



It's THE EX.
And I don't care that he isn't coming.
I didn't expect him to...
but, I'm floored.
Instead of standing me up,
he actually sent a text...
and said he couldn't make it.
Y'all don't understand.
This is a break through.
This is all I've been wanting
for three years...
is for him to just pick up the phone
to just send a text
to just let me know
when his plans change,
when he's running late,
when he isn't going to be able to make it.
I've begged.
I've cried.
I've screamed.
I've nagged.
and finally,
FINALLY.
He shows consideration.
He thinks of me.
He's apologetic.
He's up front.
He's honest.


Obviously,
I realize that a man
that deserves me,
who is worthy of having me
love him the way I loved
THE EX,
wouldn't have to be asked even once to
do these things...
He wouldn't break plans.
He'd answer his phone.
He'd call if he was running late...
but it's just nice...
that maybe, he finally gets it.
Even if it's way too late.

9:08

Army guy.
*angry sigh*


He texts:
"So guess you don't like me anymore"
I don't respond.


He calls.
I hit ignore.


What happened to:
"not bothering me ever again"?
Full of shit.
Believing that
I could ignore him and he'd go away
was wishful thinking.
This is going to require more thought.
For now,
I'm gonna keep ignoring him
a little while longer....
and hopefully,
he'll give it up.

Soundtrack to Last Night

7:26

When it comes to staying away from THE EX,
I'm a failure. =(


I don't even know how it happened.
I went from going to take a nap,
by myself
to
being captive in his arms for almost
24 hours.


It was amazing.
It was like old times.
The problem with that...
is that I'm three years older now.
I don't have time for
the things we used to do...
I'm too old to live my life that way.


Sometimes, it's just amazing..
to be with someone who knows you inside out.
where you can completely be yourself.
where no effort is required...
when you can just lay there...
and every breath you take,
is perfectly in sync.
where every move is perfectly orchestrated,
like a dance you've done a million times before...
when you reach for something before he ever asks for it
when you finish each other's sentences.
when making love has no awkward moments,
your bodies just melt into each other
and you know every inch, and exactly what to expect
and it's everything you dream of...
until the next morning.
when reality hits
and sober thoughts take over...
and you remember that it just can't be...
that on paper, it just doesn't work...
and so you hold each other tight one more time...
and go your separate ways again...

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