Lima Beans & 5 Other Reasons to Be Single

I am adjusting to being single. I haven't been single in ... well, eight years. As I sat staring into my cabinets tonight, it struck me. I can have whatever I want for dinner. I don't have to worry about what anybody else wants. So, I decided that I would eat lima beans and nothing else for dinner. I love lima beans and I haven't eaten them in probably two years. The last trip to the grocery store I bought lima beans intending to force Olivia to eat them, but no... this was a better use of them. I celebrated. I threw them in with a little butter, some evoo, chicken buillon, salt and pepper... and I ate the whole bowl. Then I got to thinking.... what other benefits are there to being single?? I used my Twitter family as a sounding board... and suddenly.... single ain't lookin' so bad....

1. You get the whole bed to yourself... and all the pillows too. I'll admit, the first few nights in the bed alone are lonely.... but the first time you come home dead-ass tired and collapse in the middle of the bed, sprawled out and fall fast asleep.... the grass starts to look a little greener.

2. Nobody else is gonna eat the last piece of cake..... or drink the last Coke... or use the last of the toilet paper.... You can leave something somewhere... and it's gonna be right there when you come back. No notes, no reminding them it's for the birthday party at work. Your fridge, and everything else in your house belongs solely to you again.


3. Time with your friends. Hell, time for anything you wanna do with your time. Let's face it... relationships are time killers. They take a signifcant, ridiculous amount of time. Now... I plan on having drinks with friends, working out, playing with Olivia more, hell.... maybe I'll even learn another language.

4. Money. The reality is, single people live cheaper. You aren't responsible for anyone else's mess....you don't have to buy Christmas or birthday presents for them or their family....their credit and late bills don't effect you....you get out of spending money on Valentine's day... save it or pamper yourself with it.. either way, you're coming out ahead.

5. You don't have to answer the phone. Go ahead, hit decline. And what's better than that?? You don't owe them an explanation either. You aren't accountable to anyone. Welcome to freedom. I am single, and I'll do what the fuck I want... thank you very much.

Ten Mixtapes I'm Listening to This Week

1. Young Dro - Notorious L.A. Dro

2. Gucci Mane - Writing on The Wall

3. Young Jeezy - Trappin' Ain't Dead

4. Juicy J - Realest in the Game

5. Tapemasters Inc - Codeine Hitz 6

6. T.I. - A Year and A Day

7. Young Buck - Back on My Buck Shit




8. The Future of R&B Volume 26




9. Pleasure P - The Introduction of Marcus Cooper




10. R. Kelly - The Demo Tape







www.datpiff.com

Amazing Fruit Sculptures

DumDums

Dum dums have come a long way.

I don't know how many of you have a had a dum dum in recent years, but they've come a long way. It was once an item reserved for eating out of courtesy for the bank teller that gave it to you.

Not anymore.

I know this because I've been feasting on nothing but dum dums and smokehouse jalapeno almonds today.

There is a world of new flavors available, turns out. I have decided that my favorites are cotton candy, coconut and mango. I'm impressed.

So, next time you're at the bank... I suggest shuffling the teller's basket around a little and seeing what flavors surface.

Daycare Loans

Work has been crazy busy lately. While it feels good to be in such high demand, I am exhausted. I hate working long hours and being away from Olivia. I wish I could stay home with her all day everyday. I've done the math and it isn't possible! I've done some other interesting math lately...

Do you people realize how much daycare costs??? It costs more to put your child in daycare than it does to send them to most in state colleges. With all the talk about education and saving for college I can't help but scoff. People have 18 years to plan and save to send a child to college and nine months to figure out how to pay for daycare. I want daycare loans. I hope whoever is reading this truly knows my sarcastic nature.... Obviously paying for daycare isn't my biggest expense.. but it sure would make the payment on the new Jaguar I'm wanting these days....

Story of My Life

Not only do I appreciate this, I am considering deleting my entire blog as this could serve as the story of my life.

Open Toed Show Pledge

The Open Toed Shoe Pledge

As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit.

My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the

sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free.

I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good.

I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go to my local nail salon at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $15 or 20 and worth EVERY penny).

I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear... nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.