11:34

blur.
my eyes gain focus on the wall.
*yawns*
damn.
my eyes get wide.
laying on my side,
i slowly glance back over my shoulder.
sure enough.
i look back at the wall,
and then back over.


army guy.
i wasn't drunk.
how did this happen?
i was drunk off loneliness?


facebook guy didn't come.
it got late.
i told him nevermind.
he text:


"that's cool. it's late.
i'd prolly end up wanting to
stay with u and kissing u wouldn't help it.
lol"


????
i hate texts like this.
i don't know what he wants.
for me to say come stay the night?
and that i want him to kiss me?
i'm not agreeing to that.
i send back:


"it's hard to say if that is
a good or a bad thing
considering i don't know your situation"


He says he can't wait to see me again
and explain.


army guy and i say good morning.
it feels good to cuddle.
i could like him.
i really could.
i don't want another baby though.
not now.
i'm lost in my thoughts
when he says
"do you go to church?"


fuck.
a conversation about religion?
at seven in the morning?
i'm not up for this.
i've noticed his facebook statuses have been Jesus-y lately.
i don't want to work through my religion issues
with a protestant on my back.
this won't work.
I say:


"yes"
i lied.
about church.
i'm going to hell.
i'm not opposed to church.
let me be clear.
i'm Catholic....
and i have my own issues with it.
I'm sorting through them.
i don't want charismatic influence.
especially not at seven in the morning.


we say our goodbyes.
he leaves.


call from my old-old thing.
the one who lives by my baby daddy.
the one with a girl and two kids.
we make plans.
to watch the Saints game.


boone texts.
asks if i want to chill for a minute.
i tell him i'm having company in a bout thirty.
he says he'll come chill for a sec.
that's the definition of
get in where you fit in.
this dude wants a thirty minute time slot.
smfh.