Top 5 Ways NOT To Handle a Break-Up

5. Stalking.

We get it. We've been together for a couple of years and you know the routine. This does not give you license to show up places where you know I'll be. You didn't play pool at the bar on Wednesdays the whole time we were together, but now your friends just insisted on coming here tonight? Not buying it.

4. Property Destruction.

Oh girl, trust me... I know. You sooo wanna see that stupid project car he spent every fucking Saturday of your relationship working on with it's windshield busted out, it's tires slashed, and SORRY BASTARD keyed into the hood. 28 inch rims don't look good on flat, do they bitch??? Still... not worth it. The legal repercussions are too much to consider this option. Nobody else could have done it, and one of his friends WILL lie and say they saw you do it. Don't.

3. Buying 'Em Back With Presents

Or worse... burning them a sappy cd of all the songs that remind you of them. There is nothing more pathetic than finding something on your windshield with an "I miss you" note. Don't buy gifts, don't offer to pay their bills, or give them an engagement ring. Save your money to buy your ass some dignity.

2. Private Calls

I never got a private call before we broke up, and now I get six per day. I wonder who it could be? It's not a bill collector heavy breathing in the phone at 2 am. Again, charges can be pressed... or she'll end up changing her number and then you can't even call her if you REALLY do need her. Move along.

1. Faking a Pregnancy.

Bitch, please. You had unprotected sex for two years without getting knocked up by this guy and three days after your break-up you "think you're pregnant" You are the reason women get a bad rap. Kill yourself.... before you have to make up another lie about having a miscarriage or and abortion.

Silent Treatment

Apparently I'm getting the silent treatment at work today from this guy. I'm pretty damn sure that I didn't do anything. Last time I saw him was Saturday, and all was fine... but first thing this morning... silent treatment. For a minute I sat, racking my brain wondering what I could possibly have done.

I came to the conclusion that it didn't matter if I've done anything or not. This guy is an idiot. I have yet to see him handle a conflict in a positive manner. He's a hot-head... he flies of the handle about every little thing. He's always threatening to quit. He got in a screaming match with another employee just last month.

How do some people end up with such a lack of coping skills? How do you end up 38 years old and giving someone the silent treatment? What's next??? Will he be passing messages through other co-workers? I can see it now "Luke, will you please ask Kat if she's done with the cost book?"

Grrr.... I can handle a lot of things (losing my little sister, father, house and car to a hurricane, career and relationship all within six months) but immaturity I have a hard time with. How do I respond? My immature inner child tells me to give him the silent treatment too. The boss in me reminds me that I am his boss and that I could reprimand this behavior.

The reality is he doesn't respect me because I'm younger than him. I've been dealing with this problem in management for ten years now, and somehow I'm still always younger than the people who work for me. The hot-head in ME wants to remind him that I have more formal education, management experience, and job experience in this field than he does.... but, instead I decide that our actions speak for themselves, respectively.

His review will be here soon enough and the weight of my opinion in this company will speak for itself then. So, I'm going to be mature and wait this one out.... but that doesn't mean I won't be daydreaming about putting thumb tacks in his chair.

Lima Beans & 5 Other Reasons to Be Single

I am adjusting to being single. I haven't been single in ... well, eight years. As I sat staring into my cabinets tonight, it struck me. I can have whatever I want for dinner. I don't have to worry about what anybody else wants. So, I decided that I would eat lima beans and nothing else for dinner. I love lima beans and I haven't eaten them in probably two years. The last trip to the grocery store I bought lima beans intending to force Olivia to eat them, but no... this was a better use of them. I celebrated. I threw them in with a little butter, some evoo, chicken buillon, salt and pepper... and I ate the whole bowl. Then I got to thinking.... what other benefits are there to being single?? I used my Twitter family as a sounding board... and suddenly.... single ain't lookin' so bad....

1. You get the whole bed to yourself... and all the pillows too. I'll admit, the first few nights in the bed alone are lonely.... but the first time you come home dead-ass tired and collapse in the middle of the bed, sprawled out and fall fast asleep.... the grass starts to look a little greener.

2. Nobody else is gonna eat the last piece of cake..... or drink the last Coke... or use the last of the toilet paper.... You can leave something somewhere... and it's gonna be right there when you come back. No notes, no reminding them it's for the birthday party at work. Your fridge, and everything else in your house belongs solely to you again.


3. Time with your friends. Hell, time for anything you wanna do with your time. Let's face it... relationships are time killers. They take a signifcant, ridiculous amount of time. Now... I plan on having drinks with friends, working out, playing with Olivia more, hell.... maybe I'll even learn another language.

4. Money. The reality is, single people live cheaper. You aren't responsible for anyone else's mess....you don't have to buy Christmas or birthday presents for them or their family....their credit and late bills don't effect you....you get out of spending money on Valentine's day... save it or pamper yourself with it.. either way, you're coming out ahead.

5. You don't have to answer the phone. Go ahead, hit decline. And what's better than that?? You don't owe them an explanation either. You aren't accountable to anyone. Welcome to freedom. I am single, and I'll do what the fuck I want... thank you very much.

Ten Mixtapes I'm Listening to This Week

1. Young Dro - Notorious L.A. Dro

2. Gucci Mane - Writing on The Wall

3. Young Jeezy - Trappin' Ain't Dead

4. Juicy J - Realest in the Game

5. Tapemasters Inc - Codeine Hitz 6

6. T.I. - A Year and A Day

7. Young Buck - Back on My Buck Shit




8. The Future of R&B Volume 26




9. Pleasure P - The Introduction of Marcus Cooper




10. R. Kelly - The Demo Tape







www.datpiff.com

Amazing Fruit Sculptures

DumDums

Dum dums have come a long way.

I don't know how many of you have a had a dum dum in recent years, but they've come a long way. It was once an item reserved for eating out of courtesy for the bank teller that gave it to you.

Not anymore.

I know this because I've been feasting on nothing but dum dums and smokehouse jalapeno almonds today.

There is a world of new flavors available, turns out. I have decided that my favorites are cotton candy, coconut and mango. I'm impressed.

So, next time you're at the bank... I suggest shuffling the teller's basket around a little and seeing what flavors surface.

Daycare Loans

Work has been crazy busy lately. While it feels good to be in such high demand, I am exhausted. I hate working long hours and being away from Olivia. I wish I could stay home with her all day everyday. I've done the math and it isn't possible! I've done some other interesting math lately...

Do you people realize how much daycare costs??? It costs more to put your child in daycare than it does to send them to most in state colleges. With all the talk about education and saving for college I can't help but scoff. People have 18 years to plan and save to send a child to college and nine months to figure out how to pay for daycare. I want daycare loans. I hope whoever is reading this truly knows my sarcastic nature.... Obviously paying for daycare isn't my biggest expense.. but it sure would make the payment on the new Jaguar I'm wanting these days....